Faith & Life

In the Disappearance of Today.

hope Hope.

I often wonder of tomorrow, when I am older and time runs beyond me, when my bone and muscle move much slower than my heart leads, when I have more space in each day for thoughts to circle.  Thoughts of how life will be for them and what life’s pressures feel like then.

I remind myself: they were created for that day ahead.

And it waits for them.

“Dad, do you think I can be . . .”  You fill in the blank because my little girls ask about them all.  My strong reply always echoes the same.  “Yes, you sure can.”

They will meander close behind me and stray in the distance as my daughters grow, get  older and begin to stand surer in life.  There will be many instances where I have little control.  I feel their strings pull a bit more as their day gets closer.  The truth is I have very little control over their course in life.  God has allowed my opportunity to reflect His glory and nature into their lives, but it is He alone who owns the days ahead.

CONTINUE READING AT DEEPER FAMILY

 

10 Habits to Break :: procrastination

man_looking_at_stack_of_papers There is a rhythm to all that we do, and don’t do.

What we allow and avoid, what we do and don’t and how we invest in the day and waste apparent opportunities serves to give insight to who we are, what we believe true and even our trust in all that is bigger, in God.

Despite common knee-jerk response, procrastination isn’t a total package negative thing.  Quite simply, procrastination is to intentionally delay in doing something.  Not completing an assignment could be the result of not knowing how to complete the assignment.  The inactivity cannot be a fully bad thing if the alternative is to complete the assignment incorrectly.  This space, or pause, on the way to finishing the assignment can be the precise place of learning and maturity. Often, in difficulty, learning escapes us.

As we sat there angled across from each other at the dining table, she just stared at the problem, deadlocked in can’t and frustrated with my question.

“What do you think?” I asked.

Silence hung between us as if she didn’t hear my question so after an extended pause, I asked her again, and again.  Finally, she forced out a frustrated response making it clear that if she did know, she wouldn’t just be staring at the problem but would solve it.

Elizabeth, my oldest, is a lot like me, in that she fears not being able to measure up to who and what she should be in her mind.  I struggle with it as a writer, as a father, as a son and everything else that I set out to accomplish.  If I can’t win, I quit.  It’s the reason I quit writing my book hundreds of times before I thankfully finished.  Just as Lizzie was deadlocked in her inability to solve a new mathematical word problem, I disengage in times I don’t have the answer, can’t see the process to completion or don’t know how to handle myself.

Procrastination, in and of itself, is not the enemy, but a needful pause to impulse or incomplete thought calling for space to process.  And yet if inactivity is the only effort given, procrastination grows into habitual response.

More so, the cause for procrastinate behavior allowed and extended must be dealt with.  I have to overcome fear of failure, disappointment or inability, in times of procrastination to avoid habit setting in deep ruts and rhythms in my life.

Back at the table, in the paralyzing silence between us, I asked a new question, one that nudged her thoughts into action.  I didn’t give her the answer to her problem directly, but tried to lead her to fearlessly trying even though she was insecure in her ability to answer correctly.  The point wasn’t whether or not she answered correctly, but that she moved from inactivity to activity as to avoid procrastination only setting in as a defining habit in difficulty.

Simply, she solved the problem she thought unsolvable by continuing.  It’s amazing the things we could do if we only did not procrastinate them away.  Snoozing the alarm clock every morning could be just snoozing the alarm clock, or it could be a habit chosen, given space to grow and affect your action and aim in life.  Just as waiting until the eleventh hour to finish a project you committed to, avoiding responsibility while given to any and all available distractions, rescheduling meetings, pausing in pursuit of a dream bigger than yourself and shelving all hope that you can accomplish what you set out to.

Procrastination delays many abled men from doing what they ought to do - but it is always the man who determines himself not abled that habit of delay becomes a growing regular foe.

In breaking unwanted, unhelpful habits, it is not enough to just stop doing something.  That habit must be replaced with a better understanding.

In each moment I begin to fade from difficulty and withdraw to inactivity, I pray for the grace God has built into each day.  Whether I lack the creativity to transpose thoughts to paper accurately or parent my daughters through difficult waters, grace gives me the courage to pause properly knowing that God will be faithful to lead me through.

 

image credit: philnel.com

 

10 Habits to Break (and NOT Live By)

brick-labyrinth We are creatures of habit calling for change yet comfortable in our worn rhythms.  Months quick fade to years and our feet settle, unable to step out of the smallest rut.

Some jump to categorize habits as bad behaviors needed to be broken, but this is only half true.  Habits are not enemies - how we hold to them are.  People live in good habits for a lifetime and live life well.  Living a healthy life requires healthy habits.  These healthy habits act as an infrastructure insuring goals and guiding to actual accomplishment.

The discipline of an artist diligent at early light leads to productivity and development while the artist who sleeps only dreams of what he might do. Contrarily, bad habits often lead us away from where we want to be and deeper into a crippled life.  For as many reasons as I can think of and prop against, the only reason for bad habits tolerated in my life . . . is me.  I hold on to habits that work against my desired course and aimed for outcomes.  I slow myself down, follow paths to dead ends, dream more than do and sleep later than I should.

Maybe you’re like me in that you flirt with the life you’d like more often than put your feet on to its path and push one foot forward.  I tend to move forward in spurts.  I get distracted and lazy and allow bad habits to occupy space that sucks time like a vacuum.

I’ve compiled a list of hold-me-down habits that need breaking, over and over again.

procrastination    fear   worry    small     idleness      distraction       seriousness        familiar independence, safety

I could probably continue to list habits that need discontinuing, but these are recurring behaviors and mindsets that I need to dislodge myself from.  I’ll spend time writing about each of these a bit more in depth in weeks ahead.

Surely you have a list, too.

Find a quiet corner with pen and paper and take time to envision the life that you want to live but because of allowed bad habits, are not living it.  List every habit holding you back, slowing you down and limiting your reach.  But don’t stop there.

Make a replacement plan.  Every bad habit must be replaced with something to reprogram your activity and focus.

And here’s a big reminder: your effort will always be small and limited.

Pray for God’s strong grace in each and every one of your days.

Setting habits is more than mere behavior modification.  It is not a case of behavior but of what you belong to.  Each day belong to the gifts that God has created in you and the day that He created you for.

Do This and Start Living Well.

BB1162-002 At a glance over my shoulder, I spy many opportunities un-taken, aspirations abandoned, ideas given up on and life unfinished, in the fading distance behind.

Life left waiting.

Cards on the table face down in front of an empty swiveling chair.  Chalk the unfinished business up to a risk too demanding or a challenge deemed too daunting.  Either way it adds up to life incomplete, damaged and maimed by our choosing to not do rather than to do.  I feel as though every one of them outlines a small death of me on sidewalks behind.

For me, it was no different with the book I almost didn’t write.  I threatened abandon nearly every day.  Some evenings crawled by.  Minutes hung suspended in time as I procrastinated and counted excuses worthy of attention and affection.  I hated my pen and loathed the empty sound of would be keystrokes.

After all, writers should write . . . right?

And what if a writer doesn’t write?  Is he really a writer?  Or did he one day dream too high, much higher than his reach?

Even after writing a book, words don’t necessarily come easy for me, and that is precisely the point.  We find ourselves, not in what we produce but in the process - along the way to finishing what we started, even it was a late night, our hearts swelled with possibility and we swore we’d do it.  

Life is about finishing and in finishing, we learn to live well; much better than we ever could by taking the easier route around the mountain.  Up the mountain or through the mountain, but not around the mountain.

The one thing you can do to change the course and forecast of your life ahead is to finish.

Right here in this very moment don’t just nod your head and sink a bit in guilty agreement.  Finish.

Deny yourself escape and abandon and write the chapter, have the conversation, draw the plans, take out the trash, clear the garage, send the resume, schedule the class, buy the ring, book the trip.

 

Here’s all you need to become a consistent finisher: talent just don’t quit.

 

 

a note to fathers, and one for me to remember.

footsteps-in-the-sand-2 Unpack.

Unload.

Give up. Stop.

There is One who's valiantly walked a sorrowful path our feet could never belong to, who's shoulders bore burden alien to our own, who's heart swallowed life and death, fear and frailty, strength and worry and owns belonging both now and forevermore.  The role of hero forever defined in victim so there would be no more standing alone, no more holding the skies from falling, balancing plates spinning or attempt at making life better.

That role is taken, and dad, that is not yours.

Sweat of your brow, brawn of your hand, both feeble at best; wrong at worst.

The struggle to a better life is not in your own effort.  In fact, better life is not real but a fallacy we strain for measured in possession, power and position.  The more we acquire the smaller we become, dwarfed amidst maintaining all we own.  We forget value and what really matters.  Your family doesn’t need more.  They need you.  And the best of you.

Sure, we must work with diligence and effort, but God does not bless your hard work.  God blesses the humble of heart, the man whose hands lay open before Him with full awareness of limitation and broken heart.  Effort will never earn you anything in God’s eyes.  He recognizes humble hearts who confess their need for rescue, for help.

The most effective move you will ever make as a father is to stop the struggle and in holy pause, learn how to follow the path Christ pioneered for us all.

Your family needs a leader; one who leads fearlessly and follows close.

Give your family a better life, not in possession piling high and then forgotten, but in grace realized, love practiced and peace reinforced.

Start by letting go of the heavy day you know, the one that owns your time and affection.  Open your hands calloused by the ineffectual strain of earning a better life to a new way of dependence and reliance and following.

The happiest of Father’s Day to you as you rest in His immeasurable ability to give you all that you (and your family) need.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James 1:17, ESV)

 

(image credit: unknown)