4 guests, all girls.

From the very moment air first filled their lungs and released vulnerably, admittedly I knew fully well the expression 'in over my head'.  I held each of them with measured caution as if they could break too easily, but with an intrinsic familiarity I stood awed and somehow presently aware they were of me.  Bone of my bone.  Tethered by blood and strands that make us who we are. The joke common, ‘When will you have another?’  The boy.  That was their question.  We were done.  Complete.  And we had our fill.  Three little princesses distinct and beautiful.  The want of a boy shallow compared to another child.  If we ever had decided on another child, God would again have had opportunity.  Whatever granted would have been fully embraced, the responsibility fully accepted.  Still, it felt a bit peculiar to have all three children be daughters.

As a father to daughters, I pray often, as often as I think to.  There are so many questions, countless unknowns and variety of ways in which we do not connect.  I try as best as I can to empathize with them in tears that seem insignificant to me.  I don’t always get it.  They don’t always get me.  But we are here together figuring out life, piecing together the day now and ahead and loving each other deeper with each step.  Clothes don’t necessarily need to match, sometimes a fight is in order to right a wrong and feelings do get shrugged off as mushy when the air hangs too heavy.  You’d swear I’m raising boys, but I’m not.  I’m grooming little girls to hold strong the name that will forever be within them.  Not my name for the sake of my pride or my legacy, but theirs.  Ethos.  The essence of who we are now in this moment, who I am in their little opening lives, that is what I passionately desire to hold strongly within them.  Forever, they will bear the scar of death.  Once a wound open, now evidence of pain soothed and wounds healed by life.  A loss unbearable in my thinking.  The nights come when tears do fall pouring from their hearts wishing for life different, their mother’s death to be reversed somehow.  They do feel lost and unsure at times.  I can tell it in their eyes.  Gazing off only half alert, they step back into memory or sideways to fantasy.  But in this moment, they are found by me found by grace.  They are mine.  My responsibility to teach, show, lead and guide them to Him.  Them being mine does not leave me as sole voice in their lives.  There are others, women in particular, whose perspective and insight I value and admire.  And so, I want my girls to hear from them of struggles, insecurities and strengths from the hearts of women conspiring against issues weighing many down.

This week I will feature four such posts.  All will be guest posts written by women as a sort of open letter to young girls growing and struggling to find path in today’s culture.    Four friends sharing from their lives.  I am ever so thankful.

And with each post, I will add a bit of information about each.  I’d encourage you to read each day and then visit the guest poster’s website for more amazing perspective.

As a preview, three websites are listed below.  The fourth guest is a surprise:) felicitywhite.com || meshalimitchellphoto.com
 || sincerelyrachelchristine.com

things she wants to say.

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It's in the remembering that we live braver, hungrier and more convinced of hope and grace and beauty swallowing.

I have noticed small bright pink post it notes lying around in the same spot.  At first glance, I paid little attention, but a stack began forming messy demanding better attention.  For days I moved right passed the tiny little heap until my walking by caused a couple pieces to stir and drift off the counter top onto the wooden floor.  I have a tendency to sort of stack papers.  It’s my way of cleaning the kitchen or anything actually.  My process is quite simplistic.  Dispose of as much as possible as often as possible.  I tolerate clutter in a compartmentalizing sort of way.  Or maybe it’s procrastination.  The latter is honest response.  Compartmentalizing simply sounds more together, in control and sophisticated.  As a telling side note, procrastination is mode of operation for me.  It is a chronic characteristic I am working out of my life.  There simply is not enough room in the life of a single parent for much procrastination.  Bright pink landing on wooden floor.  The contrast unmistakeable in both size and color.  Leaning over to reach the few fallen, I could see that each brightly colored little piece of paper held scribbled words, messages deep and searching.

A daughter wandering through day, lost in thought and dream of a life different, the undisturbed continuing of the life she knew.  Sometimes dishonest with her smile bright and affectionate, hiding when she hurts or needs or wants but thankfully, bleeding out words that grab to find home in her heart wishing to grow only darker and deep.

“I wish I could tell her all the things I’m doing.” “She’d smile real big and be hugely proud of you, sweetie.”

Still reforming and in the piecing back together in beautiful miracle the life so disturbed by one quick blow, we wade through the unknown and questions lingering.  The trust that weans in days lasting too long makes us stronger together.

One easy to recognize evidence of her heart once devastated now growing stronger in the day to day is her courageous heart.  She’s braver in the bleeding, risking for reward and foregoing shadows.  On the basketball court for the first time, lined wood giving direction to game and position, the sound of soles shuffling, a ball bouncing, hands raised, the game still so foreign to her, I saw her heart laid bare.  She positioned herself vulnerable in front of yelling parents and strange onlookers for shared experience and enjoyment of game and friends.  In the confusion of plays and rules and game, she jumped right in determined to know and participate.  For her, it’s discovery, of who she is undeniably and deeply wound within the DNA.  It is also an aim at who she wants to be and is traveling toward.  All in the game, in the experience, she’s finding and becoming.  My heart soars quietly sitting in the stands each time.  Camera clicking.  Recording her evolution.

One day Elizabeth Marie will look long behind her and gaze upon a field of flowers in the wake of her pursuit.  In ways out of my reach, she is cutting a path for us all, not around, but straight through heart and mire and questions with unfitting answers.  Their hearts remain resilient even in the distance and miles away from that life.  Just last night, we talked about her notes and basketball.  She smiled honestly in the sadness revisited.  But together we left it again coming and going as visitors both stronger.

“Nothing will ever replace her.  The thought of losing mommy will always cause sadness, but both the memories and the life we live will always be brighter.  Promise.”

one word. what is it?

[gallery link="file" columns="5"] One word, singular and bare, complete and roaming still, shadow cast deeply, widely into future sleeping.  A word, one, that stands tall and soars at its mention and holds hope, fear and all forgetting.  Cutting honest through cluttered thoughts and old vocabulary not aging well.

Manna ...what is it?

If you had one word ...only one, to speak defining love to her, to him, to them all over again, what would it be?  No explanations, just one word to say it all.  What is it?  No ornate words fluffing flat folded hearts, but one cutting straight to her heart releasing love new, holding strongly and true.

Where is it?

Is it gone, lost in shuffle, let go of during the thinness of life together, bruised in traded blows?  Or forgotten?  Or mistaken for smiles only?

Love is work always of the most beautiful and worthwhile kind.  Like a garden springing abundant, teeming life and fragrance captivating, love is made strong in the dirt where eyes can see no beauty.  It never just happens.  Love is made.

Be it a name or a place, a memory, quality or symbol catching, there is one word that finds them all.  One word synonymous with love that is more precise, calls it common and undoes those four letters, l-o-v-e, as generic, misstated and overused.

Find that word.  Work for its discovery, not for a day or a moment manufactured romantically, but a connection far deeper than the life we see and know.

One word precise and exact for love. What is it?

Your word.  One. What. is. it?

love in words.

hearts collidebruise | bend | break | bellow to be free to know at the edge holding hands finger in knuckle lost in grasp feet planted dirty want. to give. scenes and history blurred into one beautiful mystery escaping love is a weight heavy for one held easy by two a euphoric finding grandest completion mess of years compounding erased with glances belonging held by stronger than wanting desire longing to be found to be loosed to be free

“Take away love, and our earth is a tomb.” Robert Browning